From How We Are Human

 

Defecating in the Woods

The world is open

The sky is grey.

 

Things are sparse.

I am bare.

 

There is no toilet paper

but no one cares.

 

We use pinecones,

And recently deceased squirrels.

This is not a metaphor.
We use these things to wipe ourselves.

 

Because when you are in the woods

The things you do in your bathroom

Must still be done.

 

When the duty is fulfilled

You must put your “forest truffles”

Into a plastic bag and put it in your pack.

 

This is what they say you must do.

That is what no one does.

Instead:

 

We shit in the bushes just off the trail

And I hope you don’t stumble upon

The unholy grail.

 

I put it all under a rock.

Then I wiped myself off with my sock.

But don’t worry

I threw that sock away.

Actually, I threw it at Stu.

 

Stu didn’t think it was a funny joke,

But Stu doesn’t drink,

And Stu doesn’t smoke.