United Airlines‘ on-hold music is inspiring. Melodic notes dip, then soar. It makes you want to, well, fly all over the world, see the pyramids, and experience the splendor that life has to offer. I’ve spent a lot of time this last year listening to that music, because United has spent much of 2013 screwing me over, and so I’ve been calling them to request that they screw me over a little less, and in the process, I have had the pleasure of listening to this catchy hold jingle.
Let’s start at the beginning: United Airlines was my favorite carrier. They never lost my luggage between 2007-2012. In my eyes, they were the rock stars of the sky. Flying in their efficient castles of intrepid awesomeness, I traveled to Europe, Africa, Central America, and all over the states with them as my proud carrier.
Whether it’s coincidence or not, ever since they merged with Continental, my experience them has taken a nose dive. Everything that could go wrong short of the plane crashing, seems to have happened, in less than a year.
It all started when they killed Julia. Julia was my guitar. Sometimes when you’re dating someone, you realize you are not just with a girl, but with the most awesome girl you have ever met. It was like that with Julia. Her strings sounded like homeward bound Christmas voices caroling. Oh the places we went. Oh the beaches we sang songs on. Once Julia and I played together at an art gallery in Guatemala City where four renowned Central American artists were painting on the same canvass for 30 minutes, painting over, under, and on top of each other. My job was to make up impromptu songs about what they were painting. At one point one of the artists turned his brush to my guitar and painted a beautiful lady, his last stroke was like the final ‘s’ in priceless.
United broke Julia. And they should not even have been allowed. I’ve traveled with guitars since as long as I’ve traveled and I know better than to check them. Sometimes, on smaller planes like the one that departed from Denver to Minneapolis, they ask you to gate check the guitar. Well United instead of gate checking it, checked it through to my final destination, lost it, broke it and then had me running to the airport, and on the phone for hours just to file the damage claim. They assumed no liability because they conveniently mis-categorized the damage claim as being on a domestic flight. Since my originating flight was from Guatemala, it should have been categorized under an international flight. Under US law, the airlines can screw you over more, but international laws corner them into being decent.
Travel Law 101:
Under the Warsaw Pact, an international treaty established to govern airlines and give customers basic rights, airlines are responsible for damaged baggage. This does not apply on domestic flights, but it does for international. Since I was flying to Bismarck from Guatemala, this pact was the governing treaty of my damaged baggage.
Well, since they incorrectly filed it, they denied my claim. I spent hours getting nowhere listening to the inspiring hold music, I went to NYC’s La Guardia airport to complain. This was 45 days after the trip, so they said a statute of limitations applied, since I could only file a claim within 30 days. Convenient.
After much haggling, they gave me a $300 travel voucher that ended up hardly being worth that for my time. I booked a flight from NYC to MSP in Nov., but because I’m an idiot I booked it for the wrong year, so I canceled it within 24 hours. Airlines are legally required to give you a refund in you cancel within a day. Because I booked the $150 fair with a travel voucher, they sent me a new travel voucher for $150 and deducted that amount from the original. Then I booked a flight from MSP to GUA and wanted to use the $300 voucher.
United has policy of only letting you use one reward voucher per booking. Since it used to be one voucher, I appealed to a voice that appeared between the hold music and he said he would make an exception. I booked the flight. United only deducted $150 when they charged me and they canceled both vouchers, I was out $150. I filed a complaint. Never heard back from them. Once again convenient.
This is the overarching narrative. In small ways, United has been shitty this past year. From a cockroach on one of their airplanes, to lost baggage, to frequent delays—all things that never happened between 2007-2012—United is simply not an airline I want to use anymore. Check around online, plenty of people feel this way. I would pay a bit more to go elsewhere, because I just feel done dealing with them. Their merge with continental has signaled my departure flight.
Top photo credit: www.budgetsaresexy.com
