Are you ready to ADHD with me? There is just not time to put all of these into individual posts.

So here we go. Enter the ADHD cruiser with me.

The morning started with bloody, violent death. I was downstairs writing and the Guatemalan maid Ariela, who likely believes in omens, heard a crashing upstairs.

She came rushing into the dining room with a mop, “Upstair,” she  said, “A pigeon has fallen.”

He did more than fall. He left a trail of blood in the hallway, a spash of blood on the wall, and the death pool of blood where his lifeless body lay caido. 

Photos in a moment.

To appease the Beliebers, I checked to Wiki answers to, well, get some answers about what sort of omen this might be.

This is what they gave me.

 

“It is and it isn’t?”

I looked no further and have decided it isn’t.

As much as I wanted to press the no button, brutal ethics led me to push the “Partially” button. I blame Catholic school.

Pigeon Aftermath, Figure 1)

No one saw what happened to the pigeon, only the aftermath. There are many theories in our house circulating as to how the Pigeon was led to this violent end. Ariela thinks it was suicide. Heidi, having no faith in people’s ability to control themselves, postulates that people are throwing pigeons from above into our house.

Ada thinks someone shot it and that it took a final death dive into our courtyard opening, and then across the upstairs hall hitting my wall and, well you know the rest.

Samantha blames Jesus.

Frenchie is sure though, that the chienne bastard bird came in trying to steal Jacinta’s food and was mortally wounded by the house chicken, and escaped as far as my doorway where respiration and life ceased.

It was a very wonderful thing that our maid, referred to by the housemates as “mom,” was on the clock when the pigeon struck death, because otherwise I would have had to. . . I don’t even want to think about it.

As Aurelia was Cloroxing the pigeon aftermath and doing who knows with the body, I left to meet a friend.

This next part is serious, and you might be able to help or perhaps know an M.D. who could.

This is Kayla.

She’s a long time volunteer to Antigua and along the way she picked up a student that she supported to go to school. She’s in Guatemala and when she went to visit her sponsored, she was rather alarmed to see the boy’s father moaning and feverish in his bed. As far as she could communicate he had not seen a doctor. She wanted me to come over to talk to the family, to make sure he had gone to the hospital. She told me over the phone that it was a “probably not right” guess, but that she thought that maybe it was gangrene.

There are free hospital in Guatemala that are hospitals you would not want to send your mother to. I had to frequent one in 2011 to get rabies vaccinations. I was alarmed on my fourth appointment when the top of the syringe’s cover was clear, unlike the rose color the first three covers had been. I asked to see the box and it turned out they were not giving me they rabies vaccination but a pain killer. Their rational: they were fresh out of the rabies vaccine.

As of talking to the man and his family today, he man had gone to the hospital and a doctor there prescribed him penicillin. He is diabetic, which when I mentioned to a friend who had watched all the seasons of Doctor House, got him nodding. I’m not qualified to opine on the case, but I have sent it to people who can. I have a more detailed diagnosis from the man’s doctor that I can share with you. He is noticeably, better than when Kayla first saw him.

If There’s A Doctor In The House

Both of the man and his doctor have agreed that as long as I keep their names anonymous I can “crowd source” his condition to other doctors. If you are a doctor feel free to contact me and I’ll pass the details along to you and am happy to pass a message to the man’s doctor, who will still be in charge of administering the ultimate treatment.

Roommate Pranks

Onto roommate pranks. If you are a roommate of mine: Stop reading this immediately. Don’t jinx with someone who has pigeons die on his doorstep.

I live with Steve, Loch, Frenchie, Ada and Jacinta. I already pranked Jacinta when I fed her a hardboiled egg. After that they banned me from feeding the house chicken.  But today I fed it bread, and Loch watched, so I think my privilidges have been restored.

Loch’s family grew the chicken from a chick and it is the most domesticated pollo this side of the Río Motagua.

Prank 1: Loch Has A Hampster

I have gotten all the roommates on day one to agree mention to Loch mischief his non-existent hamster has been enacting throughout the house.

First rule of prank club: Involvement.

I am making all the other roommate accomplices to the other’s pranks in the other’s pranks. No ones hands will be clean.

Example of a recent conversation:

Anonymous roommate: Loch, you need to stop putting your hamster in the refrigerator.

Loch: What are you talking about?

AR: Come on, Loch. When I put him back in his cage he had hypothermia.

Loch: I do not have a hamster.

AR: Loch, everyone knows you do.

There are notes in the bathroom:

In approximately four days, an AR is going to purchase a hamster (with aquarium mimicking natural habitat of course) and leave it on Loch’s desk. Everyone will deny ownership of it and insist that he has owned it for years.

Prank 2: Jacinta is a Mother

Ada has fallen in love with Jacinta to the point of blaming the destruction of Loch’s strawberries on herself rather than see the chicken fall in our esteem. We are going to put a cracked egg in the yard, buy a 1Q chick, and hope she thinks that Jacinta had a baby. Jacinta is so domesticated that live birth would be her logical method.

Steve is gone until Sunday. Surely his prank will involve leaving things, maybe balloons, possibly piñatas in his room. Frenchie will be harder to prank. How do you prank a French Canadian? Has it ever been done? Maybe you’re not a doctor, but if you are reading this and you know how to do that, please drop me an email or leave a comment.

Onto, finally, the rainforest. 

The Rain Forest Alliance put out one of the greatest Youtube videos of all time. Serious, check it out:

This got me into not only saving the rainforest, but super jacked about checking out more Youtube gold from the rainforest alliance, and to my delight, thank god, I discovered youtube had millions of videos about the rainforest.

But the next video I watched, from Kimboomu Kids Songs, maker of 200 award winning school songs and lyrics for children, toddler and preschool songs, nursery rhymes, lullabies, ABC songs & videos, not only greatly amused me, it greatly alarmed and disturbed me.

Watch the video and see if you’re with me. So steamy. So sexually charged.

This video was for children.

This might not only be the most sexually overt children’s music video, it may be one of the most sexual music videos since Trey Songz.

And we wonder why are pigeon chicks are growing up to smash themselves into the wall.