Travel To Kenya and Cook Like A Caffinated Maniac
Calvin diced tomatoes and peppers with the fervor of carrying out a tyrant’s justice. His cousin, Steve, stripped chicken from bones of the bird his mom had butchered a few hours before. The salt tin in my hands, apparently suicidal, leapt to the floor and became salt of the earth.
We were cooking like we’d just ordered everything off the Starbucks menu because we’d promise to have dinner on the table by nine. Compelling conversation over two bottles apiece of Tusker beer had delayed Calvin, his uncle and I. With Calvin and Steve backing me up, I had fifteen minutes to whip up something to represent my culture. I knew the stakes: failure would likely lead to a war between the US and Kenya.
Then Calvin’s aunt Winnie, who I’d shown how to use my camera the night before, busted into our cooking party and began filming this momentous occasion: It’s not every day—and pretty effeminate—that three men in Kenya would cook when there were women in the house perfectly capable of doing it while the men sat on the couch (Susan B. Anthony would not do well here).
All week Winnie Motika had been cooking ugali based meals of debaucherous deliciousness, and I’d promise to cook up an American meal to introduce them to the cuisine I eat on a regular basis. I’d spent most of the morning searching for pasta noodles. Travel to Kenya, involves its challenges, and finding pasta noodles ranks high among them. This is as prevalent around these parts as bull penis is in the Midwest, but travel to Kenya and you will not only not find them, but no one knows what you are talking about.
Most shops didn’t even know what I was talking about when I asked for “noodles.” A few, once they understood, asked me what I wanted it for. Perhaps I was making pasta maracas? After only finding ramen noodles that expired when Bush was in office, I thought I might be forced to take a 40k matato ride to Nairobi. But finally, in a Hail Mary visit to the Ruai Shopping Center, I found my grail of pasta, a block of cheddar, and garlic.
I was going to make my specialty: cook everything edible you can get your hands on and throw it in a bowl noodles. Most of my former roommates, especially Lori, will attest: it usually works out. Even the time I used minnows. Especially the time I used minnows!
Anyways, though we had some scares that it was going to turn out crappy, the meal was pulled off and everyone enjoyed. Winnie video’d quite a bit of the act of creating it. Here are the highlights of traveling to Kenya and cooking home grub.
