Who Put The Basic in The Basic Bitch?
If you missed the “Basic Bitch” boat, the Urban Dictionary defines a basic bitch as “a bum-ass woman who think she the shit but really ain’t.”
Bum-ass was a word we never covered in homeschool, so I looked that up in the Urban dictionary and found that it is, “something or someone that resembles something bumlike” But bum-ass could also mean an extremely bad odor. The Urban Dictionary gives an example, “Brian don’t never wash. He smells like bum ass.”
But all unwashed Brians aside, the point is that all of the Basic Bitch articles I have read seem to come from the same place—frustrated males with self-denied misogynistic mentalities resulting from failed interactions with women who sense their inner douche and run away.
In the case of women basic bitch authors, after reading Kayla Monetta’s Basic Bitch article on Vice’s “Noisey,” I’m of the opinion that the author is the sort who gets angry when she sees new people in her neighborhood bar. Like a Portlander refusing friendship to all but “local people,” Monetta feels that if you don’t know the bands, get out da festival.
The Basic Argument For Rallying Against Basic Bitches is Neon
Monetta doesn’t want people to wear neon or dance. She writes like a junior high student argues and characterizes basic bitches as “really trying so [emphasis mine] hard not to be basic.”
According to what must be a penname, January Nelson, writing for Thought Catalogue, considers me a basic bitch. She includes a predilection for pumpkin spice lattes as a sign of being a basic bitch. I can’t control my predilections, January Nelson! But I’m not too worried, since Nelson also believes you to be a basic bitch if you “RT pleas from children with cancer.”
If any of the authors of basic bitch article blurted out their thesis in a bar, they would be percieved as an ass. The premise of any “Basic Bitch” article is misogynistic. As Monetta proves, women can be just as misogynistic as men.
The Underlying Problem With Seeing The World in Basic Bitch
The common thread all basic bitch articles share is they hate on women for being young, naïve and not yet jaded. But what makes me most uncomfortable about this is the underlying anger. All of the authors are trying to be funny, but in that humor is anger directed toward young women just trying to fit in. In bars across the world, I’ve met chauvinistic men who have the same anger towards such women because of sexual entitlements they feel.
I bet Amy Odell retweets pleas to help kids with cancer. She wrote the pointedly postiive 42 Best Things About Being a Basic Bitch. Number 37 says, “Using more than one emoji at once. The monkey with the air coming out of its butt is always funny.”
Amy’s right. The monkey with the air coming out of its butt . . . when is that not funny? When does that not brighten your day? If you want to change the world for the better, start by sending the monkey with the air coming out of its butt to everyone in your contact list. I mean this. Do it now.
And that’s what one gathers from reading Amy’s article. That she’s compiling a list of characteristics of fun people. Just like always, the ones criticizing are having less fun than those criticized. Damnit life!, the critics muttered from their box seats above the party where the people danced.
On the other hand, we must respect the authors of Basic Bitch articles. They are very brave to be publishing as they do. Each article is a public admission of deep insecurities expressed through their bum-ass demeanor. They are uneasy about others having a good time they don’t share. So as long as they can convince themselves that you suck, they are better able to deal with your fun.
