I am living in a camper van on what George Orwell is often misquoted as calling “the the most Beautiful lake on the planet.” I am drinking my old favorite— labsang souchong tea—I’m reading a notebook I kept in 2010 and selected from a box my parents attic whilst on my holiday visit. I’m reading and reminiscing as the day puts itself away.

I’m reading my notes and the random thoughts from nine years ago I thought worth leaving a record of. I am absorbing less new information and regurgitating less thoughts in the now. But I am also taking deeper breaths and enjoying the overlooked details with a firmer glance. I used to race on a dozen hamster wheels. At some point following the bread comes of my bliss got out of hand for the hunger for the experience of it all.

I crammed information like every day was the day before an exam. I memorized arcane words in English and studied languages I’d never need to know. I pumped out drafts of everything, wrote songs, and lost myself on long runs and endless research and fiction absorption, and still showed up to liven the party at the pub and orchestrate after party jam sessions—fueled by coffee and fervor because these were, afterall, the very things that made my soul sing.

My energies are more focused now—passions pointed, not screamed to errant napkins proximate to a passing thought.

No, I am no longer reading so many dense philosophy texts not keeping meticulous notes of crossed-referenced thoughts.

My drugs have always been ideas and thoughts and the substances I’ve sought after have always been the ones that brought new colors to the pallet of painting these.

I don’t regret my more relentless days—but i am glad to have embarked a different way with a more even step. I haven’t left the fight, I just made peace with the impetus for it and have begun working within more purposeful parameters.

As far as the writing is concerned, it’s still a coordination of chaos, but by now it’s a dance I’ve danced before. So I’m glad for these past iterations, though my body wishes they’d taken it easier on the hardware.

Settled-ish

So I’ve settle down on the shores of a Guatemala, but I’m still living the travelers life. All of my things from 2018 are still in storage, I’m waiting to move out of this camper van, but I’m in no rush—life is truly a wonder here, with bursting skies of stars, lolling waves and birds that never tire of their songs.

This year I strive towards greater simplicity. I’m embarrassed to tell you how many kinds of tea I have at the moment. And while you can have so much tea and now in gratitude to the glory of how accessible such treasures are in the world—it’s a pretty fine luxury to enjoy in a land where some struggle on $1/day.

Variety isn’t a spice. But it can be a complication. So many choices brings more thought complications to the daily mind. But, we must admit, having so much tea on hand is a wistful joy to have on hand 🙂